The Torah is opposed to intermarriage, except when it isn’t. In this week’s parsha, we read a list of people who are forbidden from entering the assembly of Hashem. The sages teach us that entering the assembly is a reference to marriage. In this list, eunuchs, mamzerim, Ammonites, and Moabites are banned from marrying into the Israelite community.

              Halakha today still bans intermarriage. Beyond the simple commandments of the Torah, many reasons are put forward defending this ban. Most boil down to a fear that intermarriage will sabotage the continuity of the Jewish people. This idea is so firmly entrenched among Jewish leaders that few really consider whether it is true.

              Does intermarriage weaken Judaism? Usually, when someone marries a non-Jew their family is less likely to remain connected to the Jewish community. But is this because of intermarriage or the response to intermarriage driving them away? Is it because other religions are innately more attractive than Judaism, or because the politics of Jewish identity are so toxic? Is the disconnect the result of intermarriage, or is intermarriage the result of an already existing apathy toward Judaism?

              It shouldn’t be surprising that an apathetic Jew would end up marrying a non-Jew. After all, there are many more gentiles than Jews, and they aren’t motivated to search for a Jewish partner. It also shouldn’t surprise us that people don’t want to join a community that will exclude one spouse in numerous ways and possibly not recognize their children as Jewish. Nor does a careful parsing between officiating and inclusion after the wedding signal welcome to newlyweds. The constant condemnation of intermarriage is doing far more damage than intermarriage itself.

              Should we continue adhering to this precept of the Torah? After all, there are many commandments that we have decided, as a community, to set aside. The shmita year, the laws that are oppressive to women, the prohibition on homosexuality, the sacrifices, and so on. If the goal of the Torah is to provide a life of blessing and a just community, does this mitzvah meet those needs? I believe the answer is an emphatic no.

              And of course, there are examples of intermarriage within the Torah itself. Joseph was married to an Egyptian woman. Moses was married to a Midianite and a Cushite woman. This very parsha opens with laws about marrying foreign women captured in battle. And of course, we have the example of Ruth, grandmother of King David. The Rabbis argued that all the women in these examples were converted to Judaism. They also argued that the prohibition on Moabites and Ammonites only applied to men, not women. We can set these excuses aside and acknowledge that intermarriage is clearly not the issue.

              The issue, of course, is continuity. The ban is an attempt to protect Judaism from contamination by other religions. The fear of idolatry is the basis for the ban given in the Torah. But what if this fear is unfounded? Do we really need to worry about idolatry creeping through the backdoor?

              Obviously, some worry about the influence of the Christian (or other religious affiliation) partner. As the majority religion, Christianity is a much easier faith to belong to, and the allure of Christmas for children is nearly irresistible. And if the Jewish partner is apathetic to Judaism, the continuity of Judaism for that family is less likely. But that would be the case anyway.

              The answer to the issue is not a ban; it is a greater emphasis on Jewish belonging and involvement. That comes from an attitude of inclusion and welcome, from a strong identity based in Judaism as a faith and way of life, from an understanding that Judaism is a fulfilling and meaningful spiritual practice. Let’s build a community of inclusion, not exclusion. A community of deep spiritual commitment, not of apathy and technical proficiency in Hebrew liturgy. When we are grounded in Judaism, like Moses, intermarriage can never be a threat, only an opportunity to draw people closer to Torah.